Sunday, May 12, 2013

Gamorrean Guard (ROTJ 1983-84)

Probably the biggest complaint I have about the Gamorrean Guard (and others will attest to this) is that the thing never fit in any - any - figure cases. I don't care if you have the Vader case, the Laser Rifle Case, or are using a Yugo as a carrying case, this fatso never fit in anything! That beer gut! The immovable head! That green porcine face!

The guard came with a vibro axe, which anyone who has read any kind of science fiction/cyber punk literature knows that this blade instrument can do much more damage than a regular axe because it vibrates a gajillion times a second. The Guard also came in ROTJ and much, much rarer POTF packaging (look on Ebay - pricey!).

Why should you get this figure? Five reasons:

1. Someone's getting eaten by the Rancor, and it sure ain't me.

2. Test out some Jedi mind tricks on this easy species.

3. The perfect gift to tell that armchair quarterback exactly what you think of them.

4. The perfect mascot for any Irish pigs you know.

5. An axe? In the Star Wars Universe? Really? And it's not with an Ewok? I've got to see this.


Gamorreans come from the lush jungle planet of Gamorr (why do sci-fi planets always have one climate? Earth has dozens!). They are a primitive species (duh!) governed by matriarchal clans. Because of their fighting abilities and dumb nature, they are often employed by crime lords who can get them on the cheap. Twelve Gamorreans were brought to Jabba by Han Solo and Chewbacca (when they were still in his employ) - two of them were named Gartog and Ortugg. No clue on which one the figure is supposed to be.

Want to know more? Wookieepedia article

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Kegger Physics 

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