Greedo (Star Wars 1978-79)

If it's seventies retro-chic, a blaster in its hand, then it must be Greedo. Ah, much maligned "G," as his friends call him. It's fairly obvious that Han shot you first, not like Star Wars: the Special Edition showed. You shooting first and missing? I don't think so. You guys were sitting right across the table from each other! A blind Turkalian Grag Beast of Goopos IV couldn't have missed that shot. Heck, even on the set of the upcoming Indiana Jones IV movie George Lucas was seen wearing a "Han Shot First" t-shirt.

Greedo came out during the entire run of the figures, first on a Star Wars card, then ESB, and ROTJ. Taking a look at his outfit screams 70's today, or someone from the Scissors Sisters. Apparently someone from Kenner must have gotten the outfit of another cantina alien mixed up and put it on Greedo, instead of the jacket with yellow stripes and vest that he had in the film. Why they never changed the figure in all its years of production we'll never know. At least the head is pretty good.

Five reasons why should you get this figure:

1. Proceeds from every sale go to the "Han Shot First" restoration project.

2. You will never get a chance to own another figure that screams "Yes, I am wearing a tacky green jumpsuit, but I'm okay with it."

3. Cantina scene - classic. You need to get every figure you can from it and play that funky music.

4. How else are you going to act out the scene between Han and Greedo for you drama class without this figure?

5. He comes with a blaster. Hey, it's the same one the Han figure comes with. Do you suppose...okay: Greedo threatens Han. They wrestle for the gun. It goes off, killing Greedo. Han mourns this tragic loss of life, takes the gun, and vows to do good in Greedo's name. This is how it will happen in Star Wars: a Very Special Edition.

Backstory:
Greedo's family fled their homeworld after persecution by a warlord. Eventually hooking up with some bounty hunters that taught him the essentials, Greedo had dreams of one day becoming the best" bounty hunter there ever was. He was maneuvered into going after Han because of a grudge he had against him (Han once caught him stealing power coupling from the Falcon), even though the bounty hunters who arranged this knew Greedo would be no match for Solo.

In the novel Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina, it was revealed that the bartender took Greedo's body after his death, and, except for the head, used it to make a fine liquer. Whether his partons knew this or not is debatable. Greedos' head was eventually claimed by a friend and given a proper burial. Sheesh, what a way to go.

FX-7 (Medical Droid) (ESB 1980-82)

Many of my SW toys first came from garage sales that my dad had stopped at. My first brush with a loose FX-7 came in such a way. Thus, I had no f@#*ing idea what it was. I figured it was Star Wars because it came with a bunch of other Star Wars things, but it was only later looking at some cards back that I figured it out. It comes on an ESB and a ROTJ card.

FX-7 is another one of those now-you-see-me-now-you-don't characters from the movies. Along with 2-1B, it helped Luke recover from his Wampa encounter on Hoth. Why should you care? My five reasons:

1. You are cooler than everyone else because you don't follow the crowd. You only had so much money for a figure, but you didn't get one of those Han in Hoth gears clogging up the racks, you got an FX-7!

2. There are at least 8 arms on the thing! This isn't your humanoid C-3PO, this is like mecha-octopus.

3. Everyone of those 8 arms can move. The grasping arm rotates, the other seven can, um, pop out. Well they still move damnit! Anyone who ever had this figure and played with it a lot can attest that getting those arms back in place after a while can be a real bitch.

4. This is a fairly accurate representation of a character that had very little screen time. The head even rotates.

5. There is no other way you can complete your homage to Bacta tanks and Wampa injuries without an FX-7.

Backstory:
At the time of Empires Strikes Back, FX-7 was slightly dated but still a good medical droid. He (yes, apparently it is a he) had worked with 2-1B for over a year, but 2-1B was still his superior. They both escaped on one of the last rebel ships to leave the Hoth system.

A look at the photo on the front of the card shows the detail that went into this droid prop, especially considering his little screen time. The real prop had a lot more arms than the figure, but hey, how much can you accomplish with small pieces of plastic?